Fahimah Azman
Crescent
3[S]2'04
2[G]1'03
1[G]1'02
phoebe_for@hotmail.com
Curie
Ex-cckpian
DramaQueen aka DramaMama
ELDDS
PBMC Angklung&DK
OBS *Bo Seng 'AH' Bo Seng member*
Woodlander
Totally Obsessed
Blur Queen
Full of Nonsense
Brain dead
Sleepy Head
Born to BE and DO good :P
Optimistic
Cheerful
Dreamy
Lame
Confused
Late Comer
Messy

`-her lurf_

*Linkin Park*
*Harry Potter*
*Daniel Radcliffe*
*Chester Bennington!!!*
Misha Omar
Green!!! *Esp. Lime Green*
Chocolates
Cats *So CUTE*
Hamsters
Romantic Stuff
Acting
Debate
Angklung
ROXY
Shopping
T.V.
Comedy
The O.C.
F.r.i.e.n.d.s.
Will and Grace
Soccer
Real MAdrid
Man Utd.
Pride and Prejudice
History
Mystery books
Archie
Sweet words
Talk
Shout
Laugh
Jokes
Smile
Originality
Attitude
Elmo
Cookie Monster

`-her hate_

*War*
BitterGourd
Stress
Tension
Liars
Hypocrites
Sour Stuff
Words Of Insults
People who hate
Deceit

"Don't Hate. Only Love."

`-wishlist_

Digi Cam
A Cam phone
NEW Linkin Park album
LP book 'From the Inside: LP's meteora'
A1 for all subj(i noe its too much to ask)
Get to a good JC
To always smile
To always be myself
Happiness
A caring soulmate
Stop the obsession
The truth
For ELDDS to always be ROCKING
More Acting opportunities
Perbayu to gain recgonition
An angklung set of my own
More Friends
For EVERYONE I noe to always smile and be happy :)

`-LPLinks_

**==Lyric of the Week==**

>>Numb >>LP >>Meteora

I'm tired of being what you want me to be
feeling so faithless
lost under the surface
I don't know what you're expecting of me
put under the pressure
of walking in your shoes

[Caught in the undertow / just caught in the undertow]
Every step that I take is another mistake to you
[Caught in the undertow / just caught in the undertow]

I've
become so numb
I can't feel you there
become so tired
so much more aware
I'm becoming this
all I want to do
is be more like me
and be less like you

Can't you see that you're smothering me
holding too tightly
afraid to lose control
cause everything that you thought I would be
has fallen apart right in front of you

[Caught in the undertow / just caught in the undertow]
Every step that I take is another mistake to you
[Caught in the undertow / just caught in the undertow]
And every second I waste is more than I can take

I've
become so numb
I can't feel you there
become so tired
so much more aware
I'm becoming this
all I want to do
is be more like me
and be less like you

And I know
I may end up failing too
But I know
You were just like me with someone disappointed in you

I've
become so numb
I can't feel you there
become so tired
so much more aware
I'm becoming this
all I want to do
is be more like me
and be less like you

I've become so numb
I can't feel you there
Is everything what you want me to be
I've become so numb
I can't feel you there
Is everything what you want me to be

`-archive_
September 2004 October 2004

MTV Cribs - Chester Bennington
Linkin Park

20050313

LP =My Life. My Pride. Is Broken=

Nobody will ever know the
true meaning of life. Only
God knows. That is why life
has its UPS and Downs. I
think my life has many
Downs. And all I have to do
to feel better is to believe
that God is testing me. Oh
well, I may sound very
philosiphical today. But
tomorrow... Who knows?

That's life. One life. Live it.
That's what I also believe in.
I also believe that 'Kal Ho Na
Ho' : Tomorrow may never
come. And thats true. We might
not see the brighter light of life
tomorrow. But we must always
think that a glint of light could
mean hope.

All of us must think
positive. And not ever make
cutting yourself with the sharp
tip of a mathematical compass
a good way to release stress or
vent anger. Yes. Thats what I
did. The pain of cutting myself
lasted a while. But the deep pain
in my heart didn't disappear
along with the physical pain. An
emotional pain could not be
removed as easily. Because this
type of pain wounds your heart.
This is the worse type of pain.

I felt stressed, angry. Angry at
myself... My friends. Friends?
I felt lonely. My closest friend...
Hmph. She's quite a Bitch. She
treats me like SHIT sometimes.
But I still befriended her. We're
still close. Cos I couldn't leave
her alone. Nor could I leave myself
alone. I could not accept myself
to be labelled as a loner. I would
eat recess alone. Go home alone.

Cos I dont have a 'gang' or
partner that was my close friend.
So I would go down to recess with
this councellor. Even went to the
night tour with her. Why? Cos I
had no one else. I may seem happy,
Cheerful. But deep inside no one
knows me. Nor my feelings.

Sometimes I think. Do I deserve a
friend like this closest friend of
mine? Yes. The one I called bitch.
Shes moody, you have to 'suit' to
her needs , listen to her 'boy' stories
and fancy for a new teacher at
school and also I have to always
check whats her mood is like before
I can actually approach her. Argh.
This are the few things that I'm
irritated about her. Also I cant talk
to her about my two eye candy
cos shes not open minded. She wld
differently about me.

When I bought for her a burfdae
present recently, I felt unsincere
when I gave it to her. Cos there are
all this feelings I have built up in
me. I felt that she doesnt deserve the
present I bought after the way she
treats me. But, I'm the kind who
cant tell somebody that I dislike
them. Cos I just cant hurt people.
I dont like to hurt people's feelings.
Thats why I just cant stop being
close to her. Besides, we've been
friends since pri. sch.

Another part of my anger
goes to my first eye candy. During
the whole tour, I was jealous. They
walked together. Laughed. Talked.
Then I wished, I was the one talking
and laughing. It was so irritating. To
see the both of them walking alone
together. They had a 'history' before
this. They were pretty close last year.
People started to think they were
together. I was of course jealous. And
I thought are they going to start
getting close with each other again?
Argh. The whole NIGHT they were
together. Listening to songs from
the I-pod together in the bus.
Talking, Walking, Laughing. Argh.
I observed the both of them. They
suited each other. Both were tall.
Sporty. Nice legs. Obviously, they
wanted each other. Argh. And me.
Only left in my dream world. :{

My dream world. My fantasy,
virtual world is the only place where
I can go to when I felt lonely. It
brings me pleasure and happiness
that I had never felt before. "GIVE
ME NOVOCAINE!!!" I wanna get
high. Haha. Song from Green Day.

Hmph. In the real world, I'm just
a loser, blur, lost gurl in this world
surrounded by this pool of people
who cling onto each other. But
im all alone. No one to cling to. Just
have a branch to hang on to and its
going to break any time soon. Thats
shows me alone in my class. Yep.
Cant really tell alot of personal stuff
to my class partner. Feels nice to
talk to her. But can only talk to her
during class. Cos after class she
would be with her own gang. The
people shes clinging on to. This is
how I feel to be in my class. All
alone.

I look at the malay people in
my class. Sometimes I feel that its
good to not be in their gang. But
I then feel lonely. Im accepted by
them as a friend but not as a
gang. Well its not like Im as
desperate to be in their group. Its
just that sometimes I look at them
and I wish that I had a gang like
them also.

During the whole tour, I felt
lonely. Sometimes my partner
ignores me. She gets distracted wit
her hp and sometimes forgets abt
me. I had to join in this group. Well
people may think that this group
is the most guai, extra and different
but I think they're pretty ok. Took
pics with them. But only one thing
I cant stand abt them. Sometimes
when they are too consumed over
each other, they tend to forget me.

So I was sort of abandoned at
Mustafa by them. But of course
I met this close friend of mine
later on. I was having SUCH
a terrible headache. And she still
wants to go for 'this teacher'
hunting. I felt quite terrible the
whole day. Felt like slashing my
self. No joke. My heart was
burning. It was a cold night but
I felt hot. Maybe because I had
my jacket on almost the entire
night. But no. I felt hot cos my
head was pounding. Heart was
burning, becoming black ashes.

The whole night was horrid
cos... Firstly, I was all alone. I
had to face the fact that my
closest friend is a BITCH. I was
not in a gang whatsoever. I'm a
fat pig. And NO one will ever
Like me. My first eye candy esp.
This idiot would only go for
people with sexy legs. Why
do I even start this obsession!!!
ARGH.

And another thing.
I cant stand this PERSON in
my class. She's a FUCKING
BITCH. With her fucking
accent. Sitting right at the
back. Thinking she has loads
of friends. Shes a freakin loner.
PUH-lease. She's a coward.
Wont insult me in front of
people she's scared of.

AHHH! Cant wait for my
Secondary School Life to end.
In short, Cant wait to get out
of Crescent. Alot of my seniors
say i will miss it. I think I will.
A bit. Maybe 5%. But I'll
definitely NOT Miss ALL those
things that made my night tour
HORRID!!!

becoming numb``~~_____~~ 9:01 PM